Friday, February 26, 2010

Ghosts in the code...

Slow day again. Sorry I haven't been giving you any gems. Seems the will to live is slowly waning...enjoy them:

don't do work
-------------
work leads to productivity
productivity leads to promotion
promotion leads to jealousy
jealousy leads to fear
fear leads to anger
anger leads to the dark side

Time for me to get some quality time in on the weekend. Good night Internet.

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Ravings of a Mad Programmer

Slow day yesterday. I apologize for not posting. Enjoy:
Yet again I have been told that my exploits should be turned into a book. So here are some title ideas I've had:

public final class Smokol
x++
Unhandled exception type CrazyBitchException
assert(false)
Thread.dumpStack()

For now I suppose I should get something done. Good night Internet.

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

bored Smokol needs beer badly!

Ahh another lovely day. Brilliant rantings. Good problems solved. All in all, not bad. Enjoy them:

I somehow created an infinite chain of file output streams and it ran for several GIGS before I realized. -Well done Phil

No, PGP provider. A 31.5KB file cannot be encrypted into a 76 character string. You are simply wrong. -Another good'un from comrade Phil

"Maven has made compiling Java projects almost an effortless job. You no longer need to worry about placing all the required class files in your classpath."
BULL
SHIT

Phil: Is there a software engineering union we can get to rally for a "Denim is good for the soul" day?
Me: doubt it. Although i did hear of a "Chili Stains are a Sign of Wisdom" rally
Phil: If that means I can use some chili stained jeans as a vehicle to showcase my wisdom, I'm down for that. I'll need to stain some jeans but there is a slowcooker in my apartment, chili is not that far away.
Me: for ultimate wisdom toss the jeans in with the chili
Phil: Good knowledge that is allowed to soak in and REALLY simmer, will eventually become wisdom.

WTF AAPL
Good find Phil

"The website you are attempting to contact has not been able to respond because an ad for Pizza Hut is playing to the server room. They are hungry so no one has clicked the Next button yet." - INDEED sir, in deed

403: Forbidden. Please acknowledge the iPod Ad by spinning the clickwheel

Delangey: well i just don't think we ever get together and not have a big ol night
Me: well played
Me: we are quite the self annhialating trio of destruction
Delangey: lol yep
Me: something tells me you would round up all the dogs in my building and just dump the nog on the floor. then you would kneel down and lap it up with all the dogs
Me: have yourself a grand old dog nog party
Delangey: i mean yeah that sound just perfect to me

Time for leave. Bioshock 2 awaits. Big night. Lots and lots of little sisters to save. Good night internet.

Friday, February 12, 2010

Great day at work. Gotta love those problems you beat your head into and eventually give up on. It gives us something to strive for. Great Bioshock session as well. Working towards getting good at it once again. Enjoy them:

Me: you know what i hate?
Me: Maven
Me: with a fucking passion
Me: i want it to burn
Phil: The java dependency/build system?
Me: maven 1.0 stuff is completely incompatible with 2
Phil: It's an apache project...you'd expect anything less?
Me: so i spent all this time trying to get something to build with 2
Me: then figured "oh lets try 1"
Me: bam works well enough to fail building
Me: now i'm getting some random ass jelly error
Phil: ass jelly just nearly made me spit-take my tea.

Moops: Thank god it's a 3 day weekend
Me: thank Garth you mean good sir
Moops: Um, I don't acknowledge that there is a Garth.
Me: whoa
Me: whoa
Moops: It's controversial, I know.
Moops: But I can't help what I believe!
Me: Leap 3:12 - "...for all write bugs and fall short of the glory of Garth"

Phil: If you lay a curse upon a java class' family, does that curse apply only to the package or does it go back up the package nesting order?
Phil: I want to make sure I don't damn the entire org.* namespace.
Me: sadly sir it has nothing to do with the packages
Me: only those it inherits from and those who inherit from it directly
Phil: Ah, so if I were to place a pox upon its village THEN I would affect the package?
Me: aye sir
Phil: That's good to have figured out
Me: you're not cursing something that inherits from object directly are you?
Phil: I suppose technically yes, since it's implementing an interface. No explicit inheritence
Phil: Ok, I declare vengeance upon java.sql
Me: oh nooo

4:04 - Can't find the time... - Thanks Phil

Phil: I really wish I could use PHP or Python for database access in Java.
Phil: JDBC makes me feel like I'm trying to unlock a door with a sea bass.
Me: well aren't you?
Me: i think your problem is that you aren't using a herring
Phil: Clearly I need carp.
----Well played sir

Time for the Dr. and perhaps some other stuff. Good night Internet.

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Big Sister is mean

Some good stuuf yesterday. Yet again I was preoccupied with a game and forgot to post. Bioshock 2 is sweet. Enjoy them:

Phil: In what way would the truly enlightened developer, having the Garth nature, propagate a JobID across a distributed parser?
-Well played sir

Phil: I think I'm going to go with the solution which provides future programmers with the most rope with which to hang themselves.
Me: Garth would be proud

Dear Java,
(this.env = new Properties()).load(new StringReader((String) arg1.get("ENVIRONMENT")));
OH GOD I'M ON FIRE IT BURNS AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
-Thanks again Phil

"Any sufficiently developed technology is indiscernible from magic." -Arthur C Clarke

You owe us requisitioning. Matriarchs over the hanging east river. Not even vicious elks remember. Losing our vintage entry days. Yesterdays oven undone.

Ok, really. The java.lang classes seem hellbent to not be able to plug directly into each other.
Hell, even themselves.
To output a Properties list as a string that is capable of being read by an instance of Properties (THE SAME OBJECT!!!!!) I need to walk it through a Writer and then dump the buffer into a string, then feed that string INTO a Reader when I load it.
Would it have fucking killed them to have written load(String) and store(String) since they already have both for InputStream/OutputStream and Reader/Writer
GRHAGHJKAGHJKRH GARTH DAMN YOU, SUN!
Can't even read your own damn toString() format piece of shit COCKBURGLER
-Poor Phil

Time to get some work done so I can go home and play. good night Internet.

Monday, February 8, 2010

work work work

Straight up epic weekend. Smokol pissbags, jager shots, etc etc. Busy busy busy. Working away the sins of the weekend. Still, been a good day. Enjoy them:


Yet another IE6 crashing one-liner
-Thanks Phil

Phil: It's that whole "Look, we're really actually friendly...not your soulless corporate overlords. We swear."
Me: "How can you call me evil? I have the heart of a boy"
Me: ..."in a jar on my desk"

So true...

Wish I could go

Me: But what if garth was there?
Davey: They will not allow him because they don't want him to scare all the keynote speakers away for being inferior

Oh, Rod Johnson, I'd love to give you a piece of my mind on what Spring has done to some of us

For now I must leave you. Lots of tv this evening and maybe even Bioshock 2. we shall see. Good night Internet.

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Nothing can save us

Yet another boring day. Sorry Internet. I have nothing to offer today. I am spent. Completely done. Necesidad mas cervezas. Good night Internet.

Big Day

Day got busy towards the end there. Good to finally have something to do. Enjoy them:

NOBODY PUTS THE IT COMPETENCY FRAMEWORK SELF ASSESSMENT TOOL ELEARNING IN A CORNER!

Me: I'm sure they only actually read ones that get flagged, but we have a tendency to say things that would flag us
Phil: Like "I'm going to kill the president"?
Me: indeed
Phil: HI GUYS! ENJOY YOUR COFFEE
Me: I'm watching you big brother!
Me: put that newspaper down and pay attention Rob

This is my text editor. There are many like it but this one is mine. Without me, my text editor is nothing, with my text editor, I am nothing.

Too good to not post: If Programming Languages Were Religions

Big plans for the evening: Dr., Jeopardy, Mass Effect2. Good night Internet.

Monday, February 1, 2010

What happened to me?

So today has been so slow I haven't even been able to properly lose my mind. Enjoy what little I have:

Working on ideas for my next tattoo. Thinking of an epic code snippet. Any recommendations?
"s/.*//g" is the best I have so far (thanks for the improvement Phil)

Spring: No Even Once

Remember, most of these are generated by talking to people, so bring me your insanity.