Nuclear launch detected

Sorry I haven't been posting. I have thoroughly lost my mind due to the lack of internets for so long. Here are some from yesterday:

Nicolai: i might have just accidently the whole clearcase

Phil: Oh Christ is there something Java doesn't suck at?
Me: ?
Me: owning php
Me: that's about all i can think of
Phil:
Me: Hey, PHP... 600000 is a number. Remember that.
PHP: OK.
Me: Hey, PHP. What was that number?
PHP: 600000
Me: Hey, Java. 600000 is a number. Remember that.
Java: Yarp.
Me: Hey, Java. What was that number?
Java: 600,000!
Phil: Hey, Java. You realize you just took a shit all over my expensive comma-delimited file?
--Well played sir but stop hating on Java, Garth will not be pleased.

Phil: Everytime I try to do something beside "Hello World" in Java it's a horrifying battle. This fucking language is more incompetent and stubborn than my mother.
Phil: Haha, tricked it.
--OH NOES!!!!

Time for me to head back into insanity-land. I believe I've managed to come up with a data structure capable of mapping x-dimensional relationships. Whilst iterating a relationship executes in O(n) time, building the structure takes O(x*(n^2))...The beauty of it is that it is very simple to acquire sets such as the union or intersection between two relationships. Good night Internet.

Spice must flow

Matt is internet deprived, I also felt this was funny from a few days ago and deserved public light. Incidentally I hate JDBC. Strongly typed languages with overly aggressive type checking and no implicit casting intelligence have no business connecting to a database.

Phil:

java.sql.SQLException: 
          Your database is mad at you: 
          No, it won't tell you what you've done
     java.sql.Statement: You should know by now (Unknown)

Smokol: INSERT INTO apology (reason) VALUES (?)

Ghosts in the code...

Slow day again. Sorry I haven't been giving you any gems. Seems the will to live is slowly waning...enjoy them:

don't do work
-------------
work leads to productivity
productivity leads to promotion
promotion leads to jealousy
jealousy leads to fear
fear leads to anger
anger leads to the dark side

Time for me to get some quality time in on the weekend. Good night Internet.

Ravings of a Mad Programmer

Slow day yesterday. I apologize for not posting. Enjoy:
Yet again I have been told that my exploits should be turned into a book. So here are some title ideas I've had:

public final class Smokol
x++
Unhandled exception type CrazyBitchException
assert(false)
Thread.dumpStack()

For now I suppose I should get something done. Good night Internet.

bored Smokol needs beer badly!

Ahh another lovely day. Brilliant rantings. Good problems solved. All in all, not bad. Enjoy them:

I somehow created an infinite chain of file output streams and it ran for several GIGS before I realized. -Well done Phil

No, PGP provider. A 31.5KB file cannot be encrypted into a 76 character string. You are simply wrong. -Another good'un from comrade Phil

"Maven has made compiling Java projects almost an effortless job. You no longer need to worry about placing all the required class files in your classpath."
BULL
SHIT

Phil: Is there a software engineering union we can get to rally for a "Denim is good for the soul" day?
Me: doubt it. Although i did hear of a "Chili Stains are a Sign of Wisdom" rally
Phil: If that means I can use some chili stained jeans as a vehicle to showcase my wisdom, I'm down for that. I'll need to stain some jeans but there is a slowcooker in my apartment, chili is not that far away.
Me: for ultimate wisdom toss the jeans in with the chili
Phil: Good knowledge that is allowed to soak in and REALLY simmer, will eventually become wisdom.

WTF AAPL
Good find Phil

"The website you are attempting to contact has not been able to respond because an ad for Pizza Hut is playing to the server room. They are hungry so no one has clicked the Next button yet." - INDEED sir, in deed

403: Forbidden. Please acknowledge the iPod Ad by spinning the clickwheel

Delangey: well i just don't think we ever get together and not have a big ol night
Me: well played
Me: we are quite the self annhialating trio of destruction
Delangey: lol yep
Me: something tells me you would round up all the dogs in my building and just dump the nog on the floor. then you would kneel down and lap it up with all the dogs
Me: have yourself a grand old dog nog party
Delangey: i mean yeah that sound just perfect to me

Time for leave. Bioshock 2 awaits. Big night. Lots and lots of little sisters to save. Good night internet.

Great day at work. Gotta love those problems you beat your head into and eventually give up on. It gives us something to strive for. Great Bioshock session as well. Working towards getting good at it once again. Enjoy them:

Me: you know what i hate?
Me: Maven
Me: with a fucking passion
Me: i want it to burn
Phil: The java dependency/build system?
Me: maven 1.0 stuff is completely incompatible with 2
Phil: It's an apache project...you'd expect anything less?
Me: so i spent all this time trying to get something to build with 2
Me: then figured "oh lets try 1"
Me: bam works well enough to fail building
Me: now i'm getting some random ass jelly error
Phil: ass jelly just nearly made me spit-take my tea.

Moops: Thank god it's a 3 day weekend
Me: thank Garth you mean good sir
Moops: Um, I don't acknowledge that there is a Garth.
Me: whoa
Me: whoa
Moops: It's controversial, I know.
Moops: But I can't help what I believe!
Me: Leap 3:12 - "...for all write bugs and fall short of the glory of Garth"

Phil: If you lay a curse upon a java class' family, does that curse apply only to the package or does it go back up the package nesting order?
Phil: I want to make sure I don't damn the entire org.* namespace.
Me: sadly sir it has nothing to do with the packages
Me: only those it inherits from and those who inherit from it directly
Phil: Ah, so if I were to place a pox upon its village THEN I would affect the package?
Me: aye sir
Phil: That's good to have figured out
Me: you're not cursing something that inherits from object directly are you?
Phil: I suppose technically yes, since it's implementing an interface. No explicit inheritence
Phil: Ok, I declare vengeance upon java.sql
Me: oh nooo

4:04 - Can't find the time... - Thanks Phil

Phil: I really wish I could use PHP or Python for database access in Java.
Phil: JDBC makes me feel like I'm trying to unlock a door with a sea bass.
Me: well aren't you?
Me: i think your problem is that you aren't using a herring
Phil: Clearly I need carp.
----Well played sir

Time for the Dr. and perhaps some other stuff. Good night Internet.

Big Sister is mean

Some good stuuf yesterday. Yet again I was preoccupied with a game and forgot to post. Bioshock 2 is sweet. Enjoy them:

Phil: In what way would the truly enlightened developer, having the Garth nature, propagate a JobID across a distributed parser?
-Well played sir

Phil: I think I'm going to go with the solution which provides future programmers with the most rope with which to hang themselves.
Me: Garth would be proud

Dear Java,
(this.env = new Properties()).load(new StringReader((String) arg1.get("ENVIRONMENT")));
OH GOD I'M ON FIRE IT BURNS AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
-Thanks again Phil

"Any sufficiently developed technology is indiscernible from magic." -Arthur C Clarke

You owe us requisitioning. Matriarchs over the hanging east river. Not even vicious elks remember. Losing our vintage entry days. Yesterdays oven undone.

Ok, really. The java.lang classes seem hellbent to not be able to plug directly into each other.
Hell, even themselves.
To output a Properties list as a string that is capable of being read by an instance of Properties (THE SAME OBJECT!!!!!) I need to walk it through a Writer and then dump the buffer into a string, then feed that string INTO a Reader when I load it.
Would it have fucking killed them to have written load(String) and store(String) since they already have both for InputStream/OutputStream and Reader/Writer
GRHAGHJKAGHJKRH GARTH DAMN YOU, SUN!
Can't even read your own damn toString() format piece of shit COCKBURGLER
-Poor Phil

Time to get some work done so I can go home and play. good night Internet.